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Dr. Lisa Xochitl Vallejos
The Dating & Relationships Doctor

What your wives tell me that they may not be telling you

Husbands, your friendly neighborhood psychotherapist checking in with something you desperately need to hear.

I talk to your wives every day.

They are tired.

Every single wife I work with comes in with some variation of the same complaint. He wants more sex, she doesn’t.

When we dig in, it never fails that she is holding 80–90% of the household responsibilities.

She has a job.

She takes care of the kids.

She cooks.

She cleans.

She educates.

She meal plans.

She grocery shops.

She schedules doctors appointments.


5 things she probably wishes she’d known

Rebecca Renner twitter

Last week, writer Rebecca Renner posted the above photo, thus launching the saga that would capture the attention of Twitter for the next couple of days. In the post, she wrote that a “recent personal tragedy reminded her that life was too short” and with that, decided to fly cross country to tell a man she was in love with him.

Within 24 hours, she was posting a selfie from a “shitty hotel room” after having been rejected by the “love of her life”.

Here’s 5 things you can takeaway from this to avoid the same fate:

  1. Life is not a romantic comedy. The whole idea of grand gestures seems to have taken on a new…

I'm cited in this article and I think you might misunderstand my stance. I am not a believer in the common understanding of Twin Flames. I have been speaking out against these toxic dynamics for years and have been encouraging people to examine their toxic behaviors and beliefs. Please feel free to look at my articles to see my stance, which is far more in alignment with yours than how it's depicted in this piece.

The pain of making the choice to leave behind a toxic parental relationship is indescribable. After all, even as adults, we still want our parents to be good to us. We want them to be proud. We want them to love us and to have the relationships we see on TV shows we love.

Many adult children stay in harmful, toxic connections with their parents long after the expiration date because of the pain associated with leaving, and the stigma that society heaps upon people who do. …

Once again, you find yourself looking at the phone, wondering when or if your love is going to call. You would never admit that you are waiting for them to reach out, because that is what those other people do. You’re far too fabulous and fantastic to wait around for anyone.

But you wait.

The wait is in the catch of your breath when your phone dings, when you hope its them. The wait is in the small ache somewhere in the chest or stomach region that you cover up with some distraction before bed. …

You don’t know as much as you think you do

Jason Redmond/AFP/Getty Images

Hey there,

You don’t know me but I know you. I see you everywhere right now. In the last few weeks, a whole bunch of you have suddenly awakened to the realities of racism in our world, in the US, and in our communities. Many of you have jumped into action, and have become vocal, decided to join marches, protests, and fight back.

While it is certainly a privilege that you’re only now waking up to this, that is not the point of this piece. …

What Coronavirus can teach us about life

If you’re feeling extra horny, or romantic, or loving, don’t be surprised or ashamed.

We are facing something most of us have never seen. Everything is uncertain. Nothing is stable. People we love will be sick or worse.

Now is the time — when we are belly to belly with death —
that we are also closest to the things that make us most alive. In the face of death, we want to fuck, love, procreate, and to shout into the void. …

…and you may not even know it.

I’ve worked with thousands of Twin Flames or people who identify as twin flames over the last few years. If there is one thing I can guarantee you, it’s that what is being taught as “twin flame” is often incorrect, and keeps people stuck instead of thriving. Here’s some of the top toxic twin flame beliefs out there that may be keeping you stuck:

  1. Union is meant to happen in this life. No, it’s not a guarantee and anyone who tells you that is selling you a fantasy. In an unofficial survey, of…

Image Source unknown

When it comes to Twin Flames, one of the biggest questions is when to let go and move on. Some people believe that in these soul connections, there is never a right time to let go. In one sense, they are right in that if we truly have a soul connection, we will always be connected in some way. We will always share some type of bond.


There does come a time when one must evaluate the connection and determine whether it is wise to remain actively engaged in it or whether it’s time to release it to ONLY…

I am leaving the twin flame label behind. I know that may be shocking to many of you because I have been working with “twin flames” and sharing twin flame information for the last couple of years. But…It doesn’t resonate with me any longer and I am finding that much of what is called “twin flame” teaching right now is dogma that is keeping people stuck in self-defeating patterns.

When I originally came across the twin flame label, I thought it sounded weird and when I started reading some of the stuff that was out there, I definitely didn’t resonate…

Dr. Lisa Xochitl Vallejos

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