Choose a love that chooses you

Dr. Lisa Xochitl Vallejos
2 min readFeb 3, 2021

Once again, you find yourself looking at the phone, wondering when or if your love is going to call. You would never admit that you are waiting for them to reach out, because that is what those other people do. You’re far too fabulous and fantastic to wait around for anyone.

But you wait.

The wait is in the catch of your breath when your phone dings, when you hope its them. The wait is in the small ache somewhere in the chest or stomach region that you cover up with some distraction before bed. The wait is in not replying to that texted invitation because you’re secretly holding out for them.

Still you wait.

You feel like the kid in third grade, waiting to get picked for a team. You were awkward and nerdy and smart, not athletic, so you never got picked. You were always one of two left at the end, and your PE instructor sent you to teams. You have never forgotten the indignity of being left out.

This waiting feels the same.

Sometimes, we wait because we are familiar with it. We know how it feels to be left out and while it is uncomfortable — PAINFUL, it’s familiar. You know how to navigate the pain of not being picked. You know how to handle being rejected. You don’t like it, but you know it.

You wait, until you don’t.

You realize that you’ve been holding your breath, waiting for that call or text or invitation. You look into the mirror, at the grown up version of you and realize that this isn’t 3rd grade and you don’t have to stand there waiting to be picked. You grab your phone, delete their number and decide to never wait again.

You choose you and know that somewhere, there is someone else who will choose you too.

--

--