Toxic Twin Flame beliefs that are keeping you stuck

Dr. Lisa Xochitl Vallejos
3 min readNov 25, 2019

…and you may not even know it.

I’ve worked with thousands of Twin Flames or people who identify as twin flames over the last few years. If there is one thing I can guarantee you, it’s that what is being taught as “twin flame” is often incorrect, and keeps people stuck instead of thriving. Here’s some of the top toxic twin flame beliefs out there that may be keeping you stuck:

  1. Union is meant to happen in this life. No, it’s not a guarantee and anyone who tells you that is selling you a fantasy. In an unofficial survey, of hundreds of people who responded, less than 15% of Twin Flames surveyed were in Union. Most don’t come into union in this lifetime, or only do so after many years of intense personal growth.
  2. If you’re not in Union, something is wrong. Sometimes being in separation is exactly what we need to grow. If you weren’t in immense pain from the separation, would you have any need to dive deep in your spirituality? If you were in the bliss of love, would you feel the need to grow? Separation is part of the process, and it doesn’t mean something is wrong.
  3. Twin Flames are always romantic. They are not. Sometimes, they are a family member, or a person to whom you feel no physical attraction. The notion that they are a romantic connection is a falsehood. Twin Flames do not come together for an epic love story; they come for a purpose. While there may be a romantic aspect, it’s naive to think that’s the sum total. Every TF is meant to better the world, and to make a difference. That’s why we came here.
  4. If it’s not right, it may be a “false” twin. Look, if you asked Source to confirm this was your twin, and Spirit did, that’s your twin (see #1 -3). If you didn’t ask Spirit, or didn’t get confirmation, then why would you think it’s your Twin? There is no such thing as a “false” twin; only a person who didn’t fit the mold we wanted them to fit.
  5. Rejection and Running are normal. That’s not true; running from love is not healthy. It’s often a trauma response and a sign of an unhealthy attachment pattern. By normalizing this behavior in the TF community, people can mistake toxic and unhealthy attachments with soul growth.
  6. You can “manifest” your TF back to you. Everyone has free will; you can’t manifest someone who doesn’t want to come back. Any attempts to do so is a manipulation and violates the laws of the Universe.
  7. You can’t be happy without your Twin Flame. That’s not love, that’s co-dependence. You can find happiness and bliss without your twin because they are NOT your happily ever after. Your twin is a catalyst, not a stopping point. Your twin does not “complete” you as you’re already whole.
  8. Twin Flames are the “highest” soul relationship. Many Twin Flames enter into relationships with high level soul mates after encountering their Twin. These relationships can be some of the most fulfilling and loving relationships around. Twin Flame relationships are NOT the Holy Grail of love connections; in fact, they are some of the hardest.
  9. If you heal enough, you can heal the connection. That implies that you can do someone else’s work for them; you can’t. If you’re healing is fueled by hope that you can come back with your twin, you’re really not healing. True healing happens when you can bless your twin, wherever they are and live your life fully liberated.
  10. Unhealthy patterns are ok because it’s your Twin. This is absolutely false and damaging. Many people will put up with things they should never tolerate because they believe it’s their Twin Flame. Twin Flame or not, you should never put up with abuse, infidelity, lying, manipulation or any other type of harmful behavior. I believe in unconditional love, not unconditional relationships. If they aren’t treating you well, let them go.

One of the things that is absolutely heartbreaking to me is seeing people waiting around on someone who hasn’t chosen them. You are worthy of love and of being chosen. Don’t let your life pass you by; time is too precious to waste…even on a Twin Flame.